The NSFW Guide to Asking for Sex
Asking for sex is a skill.
It requires confidence and the ability to accept rejection.
It requires the ability to consider situations, paying attention to body language and knowing when’s the best time to increase your chances of getting laid. While some seem gifted at getting the sex they desire at play parties, many of us are lost when it comes to vocalizing what we want.
Over the years of hosting playful events for like-minded members, I’ve seen what works and what doesn’t work when seeking out a partner to play with. Here are a few tips for getting more than just the tip in when you’re looking for a good time.
Engaging in a meaningful conversation with someone you're interested in requires a mix of curiosity, openness, and active listening. Not everyone has the gift of gab and even fewer have the skills to go from swapping dating stories to swapping spit.
Ready to ask? Here are some tips to make you a better conversationalist:
Keep Questions Open-Ended: Instead of yes or no questions, ask about experiences, opinions, and thoughts. For example, “What made you want to come here tonight?” or “What’s something that turns you on?” Being in a playful environment suggests a general interest in sex or group play, so don’t be afraid of questions that focus on that.
Listen Actively: Show genuine interest in their responses. Nod and make verbal acknowledgments (“That’s really sexy. Do you always manage to make things sexier? ” or “I can’t believe that happened. How did you respond?”) to encourage them to elaborate. Conversations should flow, and when you help lead conversations deeper you gain a stronger connection.
It’s Okay To Be Personal: Relate to what they’re saying by sharing relevant personal anecdotes. This builds a connection and encourages them to open up as well. Being in sexual environments increase people’s likelihood to be honest, so use this to your advantage to speak some truths, and expect them in return.
“Do you like threesomes? Me, too!!” Finding common interests is key to asking for sex.
Find What Makes You Similar: A connection usually needs to be made before doing the horizontal shimmy. If they mention something you enjoy, dive deeper. Connect on a shared kink or sexual fantasy. For instance, if they talk about having a threesome for the first time and you love threesomes, ask what about that turns them on and be ready to share what turns you on as well.
Maintain Eye Contact: Eye contact can feel intimidating to some people, but it’s a major indicator that you’re interested in someone. It conveys confidence and shows that you are fully engaged in the conversation. Don’t stare, but make sure your connecting with you gaze. A lot can be conveyed in the few moments when the conversation stops and the two of you have some seconds to look at each other.
Use Humor: Comedians fuck. Outside of scientific evidence that suggests laughter shares similar pathways to orgasms there are countless spiritual teachers who believe the same. Light-hearted jokes or playful banter can break the ice and create a relaxed atmosphere. Just ensure your humor aligns with their sense of humor.
Consider Body Language. Before you ask for sex for the very first time, it is important to carefully read the situation and closely observe the other person’s body language. For example, it is best to avoid asking for sex if the other person appears visibly uncomfortable, hesitant, or intoxicated, as these signs may indicate that they are not in the right mindset or frame of mind to engage in such an intimate encounter.
Ask for Touch: You’ll want to establish touch first. This can be something simple like bringing your hands together to compare size or can be more intimate like offering a foot rub. Establishing a physical connection through your conversation is a good indicator that things may go beyond getting to know each other.
Keep your eyes on the prize. Don’t get distracted.
Stay Present: Focus on the moment and resist distractions. It’s easy to be distracted by other people and other things happening at a play party, but remaining engaged shows interest and a connection.
Be Respectful of Boundaries: If they seem uncomfortable discussing a topic, gently shift to something else. Pay attention to their verbal and non-verbal signals. This is why listening actively is important. You can steer conversations away from subjects which may a turn off.
Use “I’d Really Love to” Statements: I’d love to statements are ideal when you want to lead a conversation into something more intimate. Some examples include “I’d really love to give you a spanking” or “I’d really love it if you sat on my lap, would you like too?” helps offer a suggestion of next steps. This suggests to the person that you have a plan of action and take control in sexual situations, a major turn on for many people.
Treat Sex Like a Bonus: While having sex may be your main goal, there are hundreds of other intimacy building activities you can explore before the deed. For instance, consider asking for a different sexual experience, like a sexy massage to be physically intimate while still respecting everyone’s emotional needs and boundaries.
Establish Consent. If you feel ready and comfortable to engage in sexual activity for the very first time with a new partner, it is absolutely essential to establish clear and affirmative consent. This means that you should first ensure that you receive free, unpressured, and enthusiastic confirmation that the other person is genuinely interested in having sex with you. A direct question like, “Do you want me to finger you?” or “Do you want me inside of you?” is an effective way to clearly and explicitly establish consent and ensure that both partners are on the same page regarding their intentions.
Accept Rejection: If someone’s not interested in having sex that’s okay. At play parties there are normally many other people to talk to and make a connection with, so don’t feel your night is ruined cause you were rejected. Accepting rejection it is a healthy way to not see failure in one conversation as failure in life. Being moody, upset or angry about rejection won’t get you any closer to having sex and may lead to you being seen as pushy.
Ultimately, the key to asking for sex is to be a great conversationalist and able to express your desires while remaining receptive to another persons feelings and boundaries. This approach not only enhances the experience but also deepens trust and intimacy.
