The NSFW Guide to Being a Great Kisser
Kissing can be an incredibly enjoyable experience, or, at times, it can feel somewhat awkward and uncomfortable. To ensure a positive encounter, it’s always best to ask for clear consent before proceeding and to actively pay attention to your partner’s body language. This awareness will help you understand what they like and what might make them feel more at ease.
We all start somewhere
Let’s get real for a moment: Kissing can be totally awesome or, conversely, super cringeworthy. Without a doubt, a truly great kiss or an exhilarating make-out session can leave you feeling pretty darn amazing and exhilarated.
Science even suggests that kissing can actually be great for your overall health and wellness. A small but intriguing study from 2009 found that kissing can even help to reduce perceived stress levels. Of course, it must be admitted that not all kisses are created equal, and some kisses just aren’t great at all.
If you’ve had a few of those less-than-stellar experiences yourself, recalling them might make the idea of swapping spit with another human seem a little less than ideal.
Wondering where you fall on the kissing spectrum? No need to worry at all — these tips and tricks can help improve your lip game significantly.
Be ready and prepared before the time finally arrives.
We can’t always control when the mood for a passionate kiss strikes, but a little thoughtful preparation can go a long way towards enhancing the experience. If you have a feeling that kissing might be on the agenda later in the evening, for example, you might want to skip the garlic or smelly foods before hand.
It also helps to:
Make sure your lips aren’t dry or cracked. Regular lip scrubs, especially during the winter, can help you avoid chapped and peeling lips.
Keep lip balm on hand for a pre-kiss touch-up.
Rely on a breath mint or piece of gum to keep your mouth feeling (and tasting) fresh.
Worried about your breath? There’s nothing wrong with taking a quick trip to the bathroom to brush your teeth or washout your mouth.
Make sure it’s the right time and place.
It might go without saying, but a full-on make-out session on a crowded subway train may not exactly be the best choice for anyone involved. Once you have firmly established consent from your partner, make sure your specific situation is truly kiss-appropriate.
Not everyone feels entirely comfortable with an intimate kiss on the lips in front of a family member or a group of strangers, but a light smooch on the cheek might be perfectly sweet and acceptable.
Think carefully about when you’re going in for a kiss, too — it’s not just about where you are.
Did your partner just share the news that their beloved pet died or admit they failed their final exam? If so, that’s probably not the right time for an intense make-out session, but a gentle kiss on the forehead could offer much-needed comfort during a difficult moment.
Don’t Forget Consent — and Respect
Movies and TV shows might make sudden, surprise kisses seem incredibly romantic and spontaneous, but it’s absolutely essential to have someone’s clear consent before you touch or kiss them.
The mood might seem just right at that moment, and feelings may run high, but you can’t know for sure whether someone actually wants to engage in a kiss unless you take the step and ask. People often think that asking for consent can make a situation feel awkward or stilted, but that doesn’t have to be the case at all, and in fact, it can often enhance the moment. Imagine the two of you cozy in the corner of your favorite, dimly lit hangout, deeply engaged in conversation about how long you’ve been crushing on each other.
Your knees keep touching, you find yourself needing to move in close to hear them speak, and you simply can’t look away from them. Suddenly, amid the warm glow of the setting, they break off mid-sentence to ask, “Can I kiss you?” The tone in their voice tells you that’s all they’ve been thinking about, lending a thrilling intensity to the moment.
Pretty steamy, right?
You don’t have to stick with, “May I please kiss you?” — though that can absolutely work.
A few other ways to express your desire to lock lips:
Look them in the eyes and say, “I’d really like to kiss you right now. How do you feel about that?”
“I’ve been thinking about kissing you. Do you ever think about kissing me?”
Prefer to keep things fun and casual? In some contexts, “Do you want to make out?” might work just fine.
Just be sure you’ve got a clear answer before you lean in for the kiss.
Respect comes hand-in-hand with consent. They might say, “No,” “I’d rather not,” or “Maybe another time.” Whatever their answer, accept it gracefully instead of asking for an explanation or trying to convince them to change their mind.
In a relationship? You might feel perfectly fine with your partner surprising you with kisses. Just let them know they’re A-OK to kiss you at any time if it’s a new relationship.
When in doubt, consider the type of kiss you’re going for.
Want to show affection in public without full-blown PDA? Try a quick peck on the shoulder while waiting in line at the movie theater. It's like a secret code: “I like you, but not enough to disrupt the popcorn line.”
Ready for some foreplay? Imagine a trail of kisses leading from their neck down to their exposed belly; you’ll leave them trembling harder than someone trying to sneak a sneeze in a quiet theater. Just don’t forget to add a little whisper, "Don't worry, the movie hasn't started yet!"
Remember, you don’t have to plant a kiss on the lips every time. Sometimes it’s all about the tantalizing tease. Starting slow and building up tension can often be a better option than coming on strong from the beginning. Think of it like a good plot twist—every kiss is a chapter that keeps them guessing!
Once you’ve got the basics down, you’re ready to make your move
Kissing doesn’t have to be overly stressful or complicated. If you find yourself worried about getting it right or making the perfect impression, always start with the basics to build your confidence and comfort.
Always Ask
If you’re about to kiss someone for the very first time, it’s essential to make sure you’re reading the situation correctly and accurately by asking for consent verbally.
From that point onward, you can enhance the moment with subtle yet effective body language — gently moving in a bit closer, tenderly cupping their cheek — or you might choose to use a combination of both spoken words and meaningful actions.
Consent isn’t just important; it can add an element of excitement and allure to the interaction.
Lean In
Feeling a little nervous? Don’t rush it, especially if you aren’t sure which way to tilt your head.
Dip your head — or gently guide your partner’s face to the side — if you’re worried about banging foreheads.
You don’t need to stare them down, but a little bit of eye contact can help make the initial movement less awkward.
Ease Into It
Start the kiss out simply, with slow, gentle, and light pressure.
Want to continue the kiss? To build it up and lengthen it, try varying pressure slightly. You can also shift your focus from their top lip to their bottom lip.
Remember: A little pressure goes a long way.
Keep Your Mouth Relaxed
Try not to force your pucker or kiss too hard, as this can lead to an uncomfortable experience for both you and your partner.
When in doubt, it is often helpful to mirror what your partner is doing, since most people typically tend to kiss in a way that they personally enjoy.
Think of a good kiss as an intimate exchange between two individuals, not just one person running the show or taking control. Each participant should feel free to contribute to the rhythm and style of the kiss, creating a shared moment that feels natural and enjoyable for both.
Use Your Hands
Hand placement can feel a little awkward at first, but do what feels most comfortable for you.
Try slipping your hands around your partner’s neck, using one to stroke their hair, or moving one hand to each place. Also holding the face, which can help you bring them closer and feel more connected.
If there’s a height difference, you can always rest your hands on your partner’s hips or lower back (but don’t overthink it).
When you want to move from a closed-mouth to an open-mouth kiss
Once you’re ready to kick it up a notch or two, these tips can help you transition from closed-mouth to open-mouth kissing with practically zero effort.
Start with the Tip of the Tongue
Less is more, especially when it comes to anything tongue-related. Most people don’t enjoy saliva all over their face. Try briefly and gently touching the tip of your tongue to theirs.
Don’t Try Shoving Tongue into their Mouth
An unexpected tongue in your mouth isn’t just a ticket to a drool fest. It’s also pretty unsexy — and sometimes, you might end up getting bitten.
Find a Natural Rhythm
Make sure to breathe (obviously), and find what feels good for both you and your partner. Not quite sure if they’re ready for a break or want to keep going? It never hurts to ask.
If You Want a Full-on Make-out
Depending on the situation, it doesn’t take much for kissing to get pretty heated. If you and your partner both feel comfortable doing more, go for it!
Pay Attention to Body Language
Physical cues — moving closer, pulling away — can tell you more about what your partner likes and doesn’t like.
Not everyone uses verbal cues, especially when their lips are otherwise occupied. That means you can learn more about what is (and isn’t) working by paying close attention to your partner.
Don’t drive the kissing party to where it only benefits you. The best kiss is one where both partners are happy.
Gradually Increase the Intensity
There’s no need to go full steam ahead into a heavy make-out session. At the same time, you may not want to drag a single kiss out too long.
Gradually build up the kiss into something more. Don’t be afraid to use your body language to tell your partner what you like and don’t like. Communication, even nonverbal, is key.
Make Eye Contact Between, or Even During, Kisses
It’s pretty common for people to kiss with their eyes closed to enhance the intimate experience, but you don’t necessarily need to keep your eyes closed the entire time.
Don’t be afraid to sneak a playful peek at your partner between kisses, as it can add a delightful spark to the moment.
If you do happen to make eye contact mid-kiss, it’s usually better to keep it short and sweet unless you know that your partner genuinely prefers deep and intense eye contact that heightens the connection.
Take a Break from their Lips
As the kiss is heating up, don’t be afraid to switch up locations. A good kiss might involve a series of kisses along their jawline, collarbone, or even on their earlobe.
If You’re Going to Bite, Be Gentle
Not everyone is comfortable with the use of teeth during a kiss, so it’s generally best to stick to a gentle tug on the lips instead. This approach tends to be more widely accepted and appreciated. Anything more than that might be worth having a conversation to touch base on what you both feel comfortable with, ensuring that both partners are on the same page regarding their kissing preferences and boundaries.
If you want to heat things up even more
Whether you’re kissing as a part of foreplay or simply enjoying the act in a moment of shared affection, it’s always a good idea to have an open conversation with your partner about different forms of intimacy and what you genuinely hope to build together with them in your relationship.
Not every kiss needs to lead to sex or escalate into something more; sometimes a kiss is just a kiss — and that’s perfectly OK. Embracing the simplicity and sweetness of a gentle kiss can deepen your connection and enhance your emotional bond.
If you Haven’t Already, Get Closer
Once you’re truly ready to take your kiss further, make sure to eliminate any space between you and
Explore other erogenous zones
There are a great many “feel-good” places on the body that can elicit pleasure, but these sensitive areas aren’t necessarily the same for everyone.
Take the time to get to know your partner’s unique erogenous zones, which may include intimate spots like their ears or neck.
Pay close attention to their reactions as you explore to discover where they are most sensitive and responsive. You can even experiment by gradually moving to different parts of the body, if you feel inclined, slowly building up to something even more exciting and intimate.
Start Using your Hands More
Kissing can absolutely be a full-body experience. Consensual touch can feel great. A 2018 review shows that it can also benefit your health. So, don’t be afraid to hold your partner close, run your hands through their hair, or stroke their arms or back.
Whatever the Kiss, Feedback is Crucial
Communication is a key factor in every kiss. It helps you understand your partner (and vice versa), so you can enjoy kissing in a way that’s pleasurable for everyone involved.
While you can give feedback during a kiss either verbally or nonverbally, you can gently give or receive feedback afterward by saying things like:
I really liked when you did…
[Blank] felt really good…
Next time, we should try more/less of…
Did you like it when I tried…
Is it OK if we do…
I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with [blank]. Can we try less of that?
Maybe you’re not entirely sure what words to say, but you still want to express just how much you truly enjoyed yourself during your time together. Remember, you can always show affection in other meaningful ways, too — like gently squeezing your partner’s hand, softly stroking their hair, or giving them a warm and lingering hug that conveys your feelings beautifully.
The Final Word
We kiss for plenty of reasons, but mostly because it can truly feel fantastic and exhilarating. You’d probably agree, then, that the best kisses are those intimate moments where both you and your partner are completely absorbed in the experience and enjoy every second of it.
Keep in mind that these tips are merely suggestions to enhance your kissing repertoire. You can choose to use as many — or as few — of them as you prefer, tailoring the experience to suit your unique connection.
As long as you maintain open communication with your partner, there’s really no definitive right or wrong way to indulge in an amazing kiss that resonates with both of you.
